Tube socks, Tighty-whiteys and Typical

Men ‘bitch’ about their wives. Their girlfriends. It’s customary and it’s expected.

It's a social dynamic men engage in, I believe, in attempt to prove they are MEN!

This common behavior spans a wide range. From the overt manner of “my wife, the nag . . ." to the almost undetectable and subtle“Gotta give ‘the’ wife a call.” Some men pass it off as harmless joking.

The implication being that if it weren’t for the woman in his life, he’d be free to do as he pleases. He'd have a better life. The good life.


You've heard it, you've seen it. In commercials, sitcoms, movies, lunch conversation, on the commute to work, over a pool table. This is the socially acceptable ‘speak’ for men. It’s culturally correct.


"Poor me, my wife wants to spend the day together. But I was really looking forward to eight hours in the recliner, drinking cheap beer and then later, getting to know myself better over a five year old magazine. Why me?"

You may be a man. And you may be reading this, thinking, ‘Not me! I don’t speak badly of my wife.’ But can you say ‘Never?’ You have never, ever, once verbally disrespected the woman in your life? To a friend, a co-worker, to anyone? To yourself? To her face? You've never dismissed her as trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of your egocentric, self-important life?

And simply because it’s the way men are expected to speak of women?

Think about it. If a guy were to regularly gush and rave about how wonderful his wife/girlfriend (of more than two months) is, how happy he is, how lucky he feels to have such an amazing woman in his life, he’d be forced to revoke his testicles.

He’d be ‘whipped.’

Men, who would be completely devastated and without redemption if their woman left them, strut around to one extent or another and verbally violate the affection he genuinely, sincerely holds for his wife or girl, just to prove himself manly, to the rest of the world.

"I'm tough, I'm macho. I wouldn't be caught dead revealing my gratitude for my wife. My affection for her, my love. What would the guys think?" It’s character revealing, don’t you think?

Like a teenager complaining about his parents. You would be an adolescent disgrace, if you were heard uttering complimentary or remotely flattering words about your parents. If caught, you’d be required to turn in your ‘emergency’ condom that expired four years ago.

And if the exercise of verbal ‘rejection’ weren’t enough, this bad behavior, like any ‘vice’ can lead to harder stuff. It seems to frequently drive a man to irrational, detrimental, relationship-destroying behavior.



My daughter and I watch a show called Gilmore Girls.
Seven seasons. (Three too many, but that’s another discussion.)

In this show, there is a peripheral character named Kirk. He’s a bit goofy, awkward, self-conscious. He's is in his late twenties/early thirties and probably lets him mom, whom he still lives with, pick out his 'outfit' each day. A 'late bloomer.'

Two or three seasons into the series, against most odds, Kirk gets himself a girlfriend. Lulu.


He did well. Lulu is cute, soft-soft spoken and a bit timid. Kirk's technique is rough at first. He’s a bit perplexed at his good fortune, but Lulu is patient (girl's usually have to be, don't they?) and he eventually gets the hang of being an attentive, appreciative, enthusiastic boyfriend.


A few seasons later, however, he’s becomes predictably arrogant, brash, overconfident in his relationship prowess.

SCENE:

He and Lulu are finishing breakfast in the local diner. Lulu says goodbye and gives Kirk a kiss on the cheek on her way to work for the day.


Kirk: (after Lulu has just walked out of the diner) Could somebody crack a window? Because I’m suffocating.

LUKE: What? (Luke is the diner’s, typically crabby, bachelor owner/cook/waiter.)

KIRK: Tell me you didn’t see that.

LUKE: See what, Kirk?

KIRK: Lulu! She’s smothering me!

LUKE: Smothering you?

KIRK: Everywhere I go, there she is. I’m sitting at the movies, who’s sitting next to me? Lulu. I go out to dinner. Who’s sitting across from me? Lulu. I’m hanging out on the couch, watching TV. Who’s right there next to me?

LUKE: Your mother?

KIRK: And Lulu! And at least Mother respects my personal space. Sometimes, when you’re watching Antiques Roadshow, you just don’t want somebody tickling your arm.
(Luke becomes distracted by and joins a nearby conversation. Scene ends.)


(Kirk returns to the diner, alone. It’s late afternoon, same day.)
Kirk: Hey, Luke, you want to grab a cold one tonight, bird-dog some chicas?

Luke: What?

Kirk: As of 0700 this evening, I’m going to be a free man.

Luke: You are?

Kirk: I am. Giving Lulu the old heave-ho, hitting the eject button.

Luke: Kirk?

Kirk: And I owe it all to you, buddy.

Luke: Me?

Kirk: You inspired me. I look at you, and I think “This guy’s doing it right.” Slave to no master. You come home at 3:00 in the morning, no one cares. You want to eat dessert for dinner, no one cares. You walk around in your tube socks and tighty-whiteys (ew!), no one cares. No one cares what you do or where you go. So, what do you say, Luke? You want to be my wingman, Goose to my Maverick? (Singing into a large spoon.) “You never close your eyes, anymore, when I kiss your lips. And there’s no tenderness…”

(Luke grabs Kirk by the scruff of the neck, mid-lyric.)
Luke: Listen, you pinhead, you should be kissing the ground that Lulu walks on. Why that sweet girl lets you within 100 miles of her is beyond me, but she does. You are the luckiest man on the planet to have a girl like that looking out for you and caring about you. And if you say so much as one unkind word to her, I will personally break every bone in your body. You got me?



I love this scene. Luke is by no means a warm and fuzzy type of guy. And he can, usually, hardly stand Kirk’s oddities and eccentricities. This diner owner is easily annoyed and a social introvert. For him to care enough to speak up here, is quite the unusual and heart-felt display. Not to mention, completely socially unacceptable. Hope no one was looking.

I’ve felt, for a long time now, that if men in general, had any idea how amazing women are, and treated them like they were amazing, instead of as a bother to their schedule or a nuisance to contend with, then life as we know it, (and we know it as stressful, hostile, harsh, unpleasant, unfortunate, obnoxious, foul, loathsome, intolerable and more,) would end. What a wonderful world it would be.

Big statement. I stand by it.

It may be occurring to you, right about now, that some women, some you've known, have proven themselves quite capable of some pretty heinous and callous behavior themselves. Granted. If provoked. I contend that this is not their default strategy in life, but has, over the span of their life, become necessary, simply to survive. Self-defense, in a most unfortunate sense.

You show me a bitter, hard, unfeeling woman and I’ll show you a woman who was treated poorly by a man to whom she trusted her heart: her father, her brothers, an early boyfriend, an oblivious husband.

If, and apparently this is simply too much to ask, her humble beginnings had been under the care of men who were overwhelmingly grateful for her, appreciative of her, amazed by her special spirit of generosity and nurturing, well then, she would be a completely different woman.

Could have been, would have been. Should have been.

You can ignore and dismiss the ‘special’ within a woman, but you lose a treasure most valuable. It’s a steep price to pay. Yet, it’s a common and popular transaction. If your relationship goal is for ordinary, uninspired, banal and cliché, this is a sure method. If you want to prove yourself unoriginal and trite, it’s a well trod but easy to navigate path.

It’s effortless, it requires no investment, no personal integrity on your part . . . . . and it’s definitely one way of doing it.

Just one girl’s opinion. Mine. Take it for what it’s worth.