Can't Not

Lately, there seems to be a social 'movement' to be more positive.

To send more optimistic, happy thoughts and energy out into the universe. Focus on what's good and light and hopeful. And I am not opposed to this.

Wait, let me rephrase that, "I am in support of this."
(Although some of my posts might suggest otherwise.)

In fact, in a few areas of my life, I live this positive philosophy. Or at least, try to.


Entertainment is the first thing that comes to mind.
I have done a relatively good job of not filling my precious free time with violence, terror, murder, rape, mayhem and horror, then lying to myself by calling it 'entertainment.' I'll let you know what I actually call it another, more negative, day. Because I know that you are dying to find out.
(Humor me, here.)


Another area I work on, with some success, is what and how I eat.
I give myself full permission to eat junk, when the urge dictates. But for the most part, I'm pretty good about satisfying my hunger with healthy food. And even more importantly, I try to honor each meal with my focus and attention. I try to keep from eating in a hurry, on the run. I try to slow down and appreciate my meals, to savor them. It helps me to be more grateful for what sustains me, physically. I also feel that my body uses the food more efficiently and healthfully, to my benefit, when I can eat happily and appreciatively.


Not surprisingly, considering the world in which we live, there are still many areas of my life, (the majority, at times), where my perspective is slightly, or overtly, negative. I'll not list them, for now. And don't you start listing them yourself.




One, I will mention here. I am guilty of phrasing things in the negative.

Often, speaking in terms of . . . .

what I can't do,

what I'm not feeling,

what I'm not getting and so forth.



This is, admittedly, something to work on and I'll keep you informed.



In the meantime . . . . . .



There is one, specific 'negative' that I have decided to, without apology, include and embrace in my life.



The phrase, "I can't not . . . . ."



Before now, I was sometimes 'reminded,' by those with good intentions, to rephrase this into the positive. In terms of what "I can . . . " instead. I tried to comply, but it felt wrong. Even so, instead of listening to my heart, I would beat myself up with 'shoulds.'

"I should be more positive."

"I should speak in the affirmative."

"I should say things with more optimism."

So, even in my attempts to conform to the positive, I continued to look at the negative side.


Then, a few days ago, I was having a too brief, and all too rare conversation with a friend, to whom I was trying to explain how it is that I write.
And the only thing I could utter was: "I can't not."



It's the truth. I can't not write. It simply isn't possible.

This is not to say that days, and weeks do not sometimes pass without my writing down a single creative word. But, don't be fooled, it will be written. The 'material' in my head, the thoughts, the rants, the stories, the characters, the plots, the bullshit, the truth would send me running for the nearest cliff, if it couldn't be released. Even if, at irregular intervals.

It isn't my claim that it will necessarily be interesting thoughts, rants, stories and such, but it will not stay inside me. The pressure would be too much. I could equate it to a volcano, or a pressure cooker, or even a shaken bottle of champagne but it would still not suffice. I would be headed straight for madness, if for some reason I couldn't vent in one written form or another.

My sanity, for what it's worth, would be in grave peril.



My partner in conversation hadn't understood this in regards to writing, until I used the phrase "I can't not" and then he seemed to instantly understand. He could relate, because he had a 'can't not' in his life, as well. Lucky man.

I am thinking we all should have at least one "can't not."


"I can't not meditate."

"I can't not dance in the rain."

"I can't not sing what's in my heart."

"I can't not splash in puddles."

"I can't not paint the sky."

"I can't not read Barbie's blog."

"I can't not fly kites."

Valid "can't nots," all

(Disclaimer: "I can't not play WoW" is not what I'm talking about here, today. And there are probably support groups in your area for such things.)



The positive version, of the above statements, simply does not adequately express the truth, the actual sentiment behind the words.

"I can write music" or "I will write music" just does not say the same thing as "I can't not write music." Even if it's amped up to "I must write music," this can be misinterpreted. It could sound like a chore one needs to do, but doesn't want to do.

I've come to the following personal conclusion.

I will no longer be debating this issue in my head,
I will no longer be hard on myself for using these words,
I will proudly and loudly say exactly what "I can't not. . . ."

Stay tuned. . . . . .