24 January 2009

ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK

IT'S JANUARY 24TH, 2009. I LAST WROTE PRE-CHRISTMAS, DECEMBER 22, 2008. I TYPED FREELY.

A LUXURY, APPARENTLY. (PLEASE FORGIVE THE CONFRONTATIONAL LOOKING CAPS. I'LL EXPLAIN BELOW.)



IT'S BEEN THIRTY-THREE DAYS OR SO. THERE IS SO MUCH OF WHICH TO WRITE.



SNOW:

SO VERY MUCH SNOW HERE. BEAUTIFUL, PURE, WHITE, COLD, INCONVENIENT SNOW THAT LINGERED AND LINGERED AND LINGERED.



CHRISTMAS:

THE NOBLE GOAL OF SETTING A DIFFERENT TONE ABOUT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. GIVING SIGNIFICANCE INSTEAD OF QUANTITY AND TRENDS. LITTLE FAMILY CHRISTMAS, LARGE FAMILY CHRISTMAS, PERSONAL PRIVATE CHRISTMAS.



MAIL:

TEN COPIES OF A BOOK ARRIVED AT MY DOORSTEP THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS CONTAINING ONE OF MY NON-FICTION PIECES. TITLE ~ SUFFER THE WOMEN. AVAILABLE AT http://www.wglippmann.com/ I BEGAN THE YEAR 2009 AS AN OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED AUTHOR. WHOA!



NEW YEAR CELEBRATION:

I STEPPED INTO THE NEW YEAR A RECENTLY DIVORCED WOMAN.



MAGAZINE:

ON JANUARY 5TH, SEATTLE BRIDE MAGAZINE CAME OUT WITH THE JAN/FEB 2009 ISSUE AND A STUNNING PICTURE OF MY SON AND HIS NEW WIFE APPEAR ON PAGE 117. A TESTAMENT AND TRIBUTE TO ALL THE LOVE AND PLANNING THAT WENT INTO A WEDDING AND CELEBRATION THAT FIT THEM PRECISELY.



JANUARY 19, 2009:

ON THE DAY AMERICA CELEBRATED THE BIRTHDAY OF MARTIN LUTHER KING JR THIS YEAR, MY FIRST GRANDCHILD WAS BORN. CONNOR ARRIVED AT 10:09 PM. SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT IN HIS NEWNESS AND LIGHT. I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS NOW THAT I WILL MAKE AN AMAZING GRANDPARENT. THIS IS A WONDERFUL TRUTH TO HOLD. IT'S A GREAT PEACE TO DWELL, IN THIS CONFIDENCE. AND I VENTURE TO SAY, AN UNUSUAL KNOWLEDGE TO HAVE. I FEEL SO COMPLETELY FORTUNATE TO HAVE THIS PERSON IN MY LIFE, AND TO FEEL IN EXACTLY THE SAME MEASURE HOW INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE HE IS AS WELL, TO HAVE ME IN HIS LIFE. AN UNUSUAL AND POSSIBLY ARROGANT SOUNDING CLAIM BUT I AM STANDING FIRM HERE. I GET TO WITNESS THE VERY EMERGENCE OF HIS SPIRIT, HIS PERSONALITY, HIS ENERGY CONTRIBUTION TO THE UNIVERSE. AND HE GETS TO GROW IN THE LIGHT OF MY SHINY, GENEROUS, WELL-CULTIVATED HEART. CONNOR AND I ARE MUTUALLY FORTUNATE. HOW RARE AND PRICELESS IS THIS.

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THE WEEK OF JANUARY FIFTH, I DEVELOPED A MILDLY STIFF NECK. YOU KNOW THE KIND. SOMETIMES WE JUST WAKE UP KNOWING WE'VE SLEPT 'WRONG' AND OUR NECK REMINDS US ALL DAY, MAYBE EVEN FOR A FEW DAYS. IT STARTED AS A SUBTLE ANNOYANCE AND NOTHING MORE. BUT THEN IT HAS LINGERED. UNINVITED AND UNWELCOMED. . . .



NOW I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SPEAK HERE OF MY WRITING. AND IT HAS HAPPENED AT TIMES THAT THIS TAKES THE FORM OF COMPLAINING AND/OR WHINING ABOUT IT. "I DON'T FEEL INSPIRED." "I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING." LACK OF ENERGY, LACK OF DRIVE, LACK OF RESOLVE. IF IT WERE IN THE FORM OF A 'TALKING BOOK' IT WOULD BE THE VOICE OF TINNY, WHINY AND LAZY WOMAN WALLOWING IN SOMETHING UNSAVORY AND UNPRODUCTIVE. IT'S HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE AND EVEN ONCE IS TOO MANY.



SO HERE WE ARE MORE THAN TWO WEEKS SINCE MY NECK WENT SIDEWAYS AND STAYED THERE. IT HAS SINCE ESCALATED FROM A STIFF NECK TO AN ALMOST CONSTANT PIERCING PAIN RADIATING THROUGH OUT THE BACK AND FRONT OF MY RIGHT SHOULDER, DOWN MY RIGHT ARM THROUGH MY JOINTS AND MUSCLES TO MY FIVE RIGHT FINGERS.

I'M NOT WORRIED. I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS AND NOTHING PERMANENT BUT FOR NOW IT SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN UP RESIDENCE ON MY RIGHT SIDE. MY HANDWRITING SIDE, MY TYPING SIDE, MY SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION SIDE, MY MOUSE CLICKING SIDE, MY CUTTING AND PASTING SIDE, MY COLORING BOOK COLORING SIDE, MY EDITING OF AFOREMENTIONED SENTENCES SIDE. IN OTHER WORDS MY LIFE HAS STOPPED AS I'VE KNOWN IT. AS I'VE KNOWN IT AND AS I HAVE LOVED IT.

I'M PRESCRIBED CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES AND WISHING I COULD WRITE.

I AM SENT FOR MRI, X-RAYS AND PHYSICAL THERAPY AND WISHING I COULD WRITE.

I'M TYPING THIS WITH MY LEFT HAND ONLY. IT'S SO SLOW AND UNCOMFORTABLE. AWKWARD. CAPS CAN SOMETIMES INDICATE SOME CYBER-SCREAMING. I, HOWEVER AM NOT SCREAMING. IT'S JUST THAT CAP SHIFTING IS GETTING ON MY NERVES SO I'M GIVING MYSELF A PASS.

I COULD ALSO HAVE CHOSEN TO GO ALL LOWER CASE BUT ONE OF MY PET PEEVES IN LIFE IS THE USE OF A LOWER CASE 'I' AS A PRONOUN. THIS IS A CRAZY WAY TO WRITE ABOUT ONE'S SELF, IN MY OPINION. I PERSONALLY AM AN UPPER CASE 'I.' MY 'I' IS CAPS. PERIOD. THIS IS TRUE OF YOU AS WELL, BUT UP TO YOU TO CLAIM IT. YOU CAN 'LOL' AND 'FYI' AND 'OMG' ALL YOU WANT TO BUT I CAN NOT ABIDE BY THE LOWER CASE 'I.' CLAIM YOUR CASE. NO MORE LOWERING OURSELVES.

I MISS WRITING. I MISS THE FREEDOM AND ABILITY TO WRITE EASILY AND PEACEFULLY. I MISS WRITING COMFORTABLY. I WANT THIS BACK RIGHT NOW! (OKAY, THAT 'RIGHT NOW' JUST NOW WAS TOTALLY ALL IN CAPS AND I MIGHT BE YELLING A LITTLE BIT.) I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON, WHOMEVER IS LISTENING. I WILL NEVER TAKE WRITING FOR GRANTED AGAIN. I HAVE COUNTLESS THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT. SHITTY FIRST DRAFTS AND PROFOUND, STUNNING, PIVOTAL, ELEGANT, BOOK AWARD WINNING, FINAL DRAFTS.

I'M SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY THAT I EVER COMPLAINED ABOUT WRITING IN ANY WAY. I'M SORRY WHEN I'VE HAD ANY UNGRATEFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT WRITING. I AM ALL APOLOGY FOR EACH TIME I'VE EVER TAKEN WRITING FOR GRANTED.

I AM TRULY SORRY AND I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. I PROMISE.

NOW PLEASE COME BACK AND PLAY WITH ME. PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE. . . . . . .