19 September 2010

Stop . . . with the finger crossing!

Wanna hear a theory? Well as it happens, you've come to the right place. (No wait! Stay, please...)

I think if you are dreading something, afraid that someone might be pissed off at you for this or that, worried that you are going to have to explain your involvement in that or this, if you are concerned someone is going to find out about... what ever....head them off. Be proactive.

Run straight at it, face first, shoulders square.

Handle it. Instead of hiding under a rock until it appears as if the coast is clear, face it. Admit your dread. Your concern, your worry or speculation.

Celebrate the part of you that feels crummy after you've done something crummy. This is an important part of our evolution. Would you really want to be the kind of person who has no feelings of remorse or regret when you've blown it?

If you forgot to call your best friend on her 30th birthday, just pick up the phone and say "Hey can you believe what an idiot I am? I completely missed your birthday. Let me make it up to you in Prime Rib and Merlot."

If you're afraid someone might be pissed at you because you were thoughtless, selfish, neglectful, careless. Admit it, straight up.

It sounds like this: "Oh my gosh, I was so thoughtless." "...selfish" "...neglectful." "...careless." Period. It's the truth isn't it? Own up.

Don't wait to be called on your bad behaviour. There is no honor is waiting to see if you are going to have to be held accountable.

Here's an idea: Hold yourself accountable, Nimrod. Stand the fuck up. Own your successes as well as the lessons you learn.

Or as I heard in a movie just recently, 'Slobber up!'

Don't lie low, crossing your fingers hoping no one noticed your blunder. Cowering.....biting you nails.

Just say, "Geez, did you see what I just did? Can you believe that? I'm sorry."

Let your friend know you put a scratch in her car when you borrowed it; don't just hope against hope that she won't see it or that maybe she'll think it was someone else. Stop it, this is a bad idea. The dread will live within you, chewing, gnawing and gnashing on your peace of mind.

Seriously. This dynamic can really kick-in, in marriage and in men, in my experience. I speculate that men are not wired to face up to their mis-steps if there is a chance in a million that it might go unnoticed and they will therefore not have to account for themselves. If there is a single snowflake's chance in Hell, he'll hang on for dear life.

"If I don't mention it, maybe she won't notice that I forgot to pick up her mother at the airport."


I'm not Catholic but I do believe confession is good for the soul. Although screw that confessing to a third party thing! Honestly, what? "Forgive me, Father?" Forget that garbage. "Forgive me, Friend," is much more like it.

Confess to the actual 'injured' person for goodness sake. For the sake of goodness. Admit your fallibility, your imperfections. Even if you're not sure they know they were injured. Whether they noticed or not, whether they're pissed or not, whether they are ever going to bring this up to you OR NOT is beside the point.

If you feel lousy about something, that's enough. That is the point. Clean up your mess and drop the act! Crossing you fingers, wishing, wishing, wishing, hoping, hoping, hoping....chanting to yourself, "please don't be pissed at me and bring it up and make me talk about it, please, please, please...." Avoidance sucks. Plus it's gigantically unattractive.

Embrace, celebrate your imperfections. Damn it. Embrace embarrassment and honesty. Embrace your vulnerability. Show off your bewilderment. Who do you think you're fooling? We are all frauds. Just be your goofy, stupid self and cut the crap. Isn't it simply exhausting working so hard to maintain your 'too cool, edgy image?' I know I'm exhausted just watching you.

It's such a relief to lay it all out.

Speak the truth prior to the possible confrontation you're terrified will happen anyway.

Then just breathe deep, enjoy the release.

Let it out before you're called out.

Stand up. Speak up. Lighten up.

You'll sleep so much better.