22 March 2007

Divorce Yourself

I work at a library. Lucky, lucky me. One of the benefits (and sometimes deficits) of this, is that I get to handle an abundance of material to which I would probably not otherwise give a second thought, as a patron.

Each day that I work, I'm subject to "Library Osmosis." Just by sheer exposure to the variety of items that patrons leave in our book drop or request for check-out, I see many interesting, wonderful and sometimes disturbing things. Movies, books, magazines, CDs, and well you've been to a library, you understand the concept.

Today, I was handling a book called Divorce Yourself. It caught the eye of a patron nearby and he was tickled at the concept of divorcing one's self. Being in the non-whimsical mood I was, I had assumed the book was about the process of ending a marriage. Kind of a do-it-yourself kit. And indeed it was, but the idea of divorcing one's self began to swirl around in my head. And for the rest of my day, it caused a constant and mischievous smirk on my face.

Would I divorce myself? I instantly know the answer to this question but I indulge myself with the mental debate. What would it say about me if the answer is yes? If it were possible, and I'm not saying it isn't, what would I be left with, after the dissolution? Should I try a trial separation from myself first? Would I then be better or worse off, than I am now? Am I so terrible as a life-partner for myself? Are my differences irreconcilable?

The answer is YES! Yes. I believe with cement-strength surety that most, if not all, of my problems are self-induced. It is cliche but true, I am my own worst enemy. I know that I know that I know, that if I would just step aside and get out of my own way, I'd be unstoppable. My universe would be mine for the taking.

And I do not think I am alone in this. Of course in life, things happen to us. But I suspect that for most of our run-of-the-mill, garden variety, everyday trip-ups, we have only ourselves to blame. (Although I'll tell you from personal experience and immediate family members, that this sure doesn't stop some individuals from blaming everyone within a fifty mile radius for their woes. Which in turn, then leads to even more problems for them to blame on others.)

So, with the delicious fantasy of divorcing myself fresh and alive inside me, what is my first step? How does one go about getting out of one's own way? Is there a book or a chant or a pill for this? This is not a rhetorical question. Tell me what you think. I want to know. Think about it for a couple of days, ask around, but then get back to me. I want suggestions, feedback. Wisdom or speculation, it's all good.

But hurry if you can, there is much at stake, since I failed to get a pre-nuptual agreement.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why would you divorce such an amazing person as yourself? My mind is a boggled. (No- I GOT it completely! How easy it would be if only we could step aside an inch or two!)

I was reading your piece tonight- a treat because I had no idea whether or not you have blogged since I last peeked, but I am so pleasantly surprised at your piece. May I challenge you, dear friend? Please consider submitting your blogs to the TNT later this year. You'd be a fantastic guest columnist.

I hope to see you Thurs.
L~

Anonymous said...

I must agree with the above commenter. You are an amazing person/writer. A strong person too. Strong willed and strong minded. I wonder if this strength might be a detriment though. Thus... what you speak here about kind of getting in your own way. Screwing up a situation in your mind to the point of frustration and inaction. I can see where that might breed feelings of self doubt.

Divorcing yourself from yourself, or at least the parts that hold you back, this is the key. So I second the motion of submitting the blog to TNT. The TNT challenge, if you will.

I must admit that I have been sloth as far as checking your blog. It is so cool that you are continuing to post. And you post very well too. Keep it up! Yeah!

~A~

Anonymous said...

Try meditation. Take a class for beginners or read "A Gradual Awakening" by Steven Levine. It is not a self help book but is full of insight that may help you with this divorce.
And be thankful that you don't have to hire a lawyer.
Katherine