The Way of the World

Do you ever have the feeling that everything is just a little bit off? Everything. Off. Like not one part of your life is in perfect synchronization with the universe? And that the tiniest little adjustment or tweak is all it would take to set things right? But you have no idea what that little tweak might be? And that in fact the 'off' feeling itself feels wrong?

You know firmly that there is nothing blatantly wrong: no debilitating physical condition, no diagnosable mental illness, no offspring directly in harm's way (as far as you know), you're safely employed and there seems to be enough money until the next paycheck, car runs relatively well for its considerable age.

But still everything is just off. Your work, rest, health, peace, the number on the scale. Off. The tiniest sliver.

Does this ever happen to you?

Arriving just a little bit late, no matter where you go or how early you left? You turn on the radio just in time to catch the very end of your favorite song? You are two exits away from the drive up window you just left before you realize that they gave you Diet Coke instead of the real thing? Or they forgot the chicken part of your chicken sandwich? The weekend plans you were really looking forward to were cancelled because your friend can't make it, her cat has come down with bird flu?

Was there some unseen wrinkle in the fabric of time and you got caught on the wrong side of the crease and are now half a step behind the rest of creation?

Nothing earth shattering or space altering. Just a little something is off. And if you weren't blessed with such a keen sense of blasted self-awareness you probably wouldn't even notice?

Do you ever have the intuitive sense that on this particular day or during this entire moon cycle it would be a foolish thing to buy lottery tickets or take up base jumping?

Like no matter how much time you take or to what drastic measures you resort, your hair still looks just like you woke up from a long coma?

Is it simply a matter of stopping to breathe deeply for a few moments? Or that you just need to take a spare minute and play with a small child? Do you only need to go outside and lay in the rain? Wash away someone's sins? Could it be as basic as moving to another country, having a sex change operation and stealing someone's identity?

Do you sit wondering which goddess you pissed off, that she would knock you off your point of contact with the present moment?

Nothing sounds good: reading, eating, sleeping, freebasing? Does it seem confusing that you could to be apathetic and desperate at the same time?

Do you? Do you ever feel this way?

*sigh* Yeah, me either.