08 April 2012

Seen any bad movies lately?

Oh my gosh. What would I do with the money spent to make this movie? The score, the cast, the crew, the location, the craft services? What would I do with that money?

I've written before about how, in general, I am not a big techie. I mock and I shun. I make fun. I love this about me. But I've also written before about how every once in a great while, I notice an exception. The gadget, the website, the software that indeed makes this world a better place. At least my world.

The little slice of 'technology' I'm so appreciating especially today is the x2, x4, x8 Play feature on my DVD player. You know the one, the button you push and people start killing each other much faster and without the suspenseful music?

Of course you may argue (this is me anticipating you arguing with me) that if a movie needs to be x2'd to get through, then maybe I should not be watching it at all.

But I say right back to you (in this conversation that really lives only in my head and on this blog) that if x2 helps me get through the stupid boy parts of Braveheart in order for me to enjoy the long hair and kilts of the movie, then more power to me, right?

I started a movie just recently. It's not unusual for a movie to start a little slow, right?
And a little weird, right?
And this movie is something called 'acclaimed.' It says so right on the case.
Sundance Blah Blah Blah.
Blah Blah this film festival and that film festival.
Nominations for the something something award...
...with the names of previously interesting actor types across the top of the case.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Honestly.

However.... I learned something important as this movie played in my DVD player.
Turns out that x8 is my limit. When a movie is moving so slowly that it is still boring at x8?

Here's what you do...

  • Stop the DVD player.
  • Remove the DVD disk.
  • Put said disk back into the flimsy library case.
  • Do not look back.
  • Then call and thank me.

Do you want to know the title of this movie? I'm not telling. But if I had the money spent to make this impossible-to-justify film, I would be set. Oh my goodness, SERIOUSLY? Was this absolutely necessary?

Someone should be brought up on charges for wasting my time, as far as I'm concerned.

And tell me who I speak to about the popcorn and M & Ms that I'm out. Somebody owes me.

Care to guess the title? I'll tell you it was released in the last year.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I suppose it is a violation of library policy to check your account to see what you've had out recently. Not to mention that it would be cheating.

I often avoid award winning movies. I think the academy and their ilk can be pretty self-serving. I haven't seen a bad movie recently - although I do have Super 8 checked out so...ask me tomorrow.

Barbie Scarlet said...

Actually, I would be quite interested in talking to you after you've seen Super 8.
Stop by or drop me a quick email. We'll share!

(PS: The movie I tried to watch and spoke of here was not Super 8.)

Anonymous said...

I guess "Drive"

Barbie Scarlet said...

No, it isn't Drive but thanks for playing.

Now tell me, is your guess a suggestion not to waste my time with this movie?