And Who I'm Not

(You just knew I wasn't done yet on this topic, didn't you?)

The opposite end of that "This is who I am" thing is the "This is who I am not."

You might say, 'Why go to the negative side?' but I think this may be just as important as the positive.

When my daughter came to the age of full employment, school choices, career decisions I reminded her that when she makes a choice and it turns out to be the wrong one, she needs to be grateful. That learning what isn't the right thing for us is valuable information.

When this happens to me, I try to think "Okay, good to know." "Lesson learned." "No need to continue along that particular path since I've discovered that this is quite obviously the wrong way for me." I'm not as good as practicing this philosophy as I am preaching it, but I'm working on it.

I'm getting better at recognizing when something is "Not who I am." When I'm enjoying a hot cup of tea, I can feel "This is who I am," on a very small tea cup sized scale. When I'm scarfing down a McDonald's cheeseburger between one shift and the next, I know "This is NOT who I am" in an 'over a trillion billion sold' sized scale. I love when it is as obvious as this.

But mostly I find myself struggling with things not so clear-cut. When I need to decide, 'should I do this? Or this?' I wish it was as black and white as eating fast food or not. In fact many times, neither choice is 'Who I am.' But instead, both choices are different forms of 'Not who I am' and it's a matter of selecting the lesser of two evils. This post is fast approaching a depressive tone.

I think it's important to search for this sense throughout our daily life. Our to-do lists. Our mental clipboard of tasks. Is this choice who I am? Does this chore reflect me, who I am? I'm afraid I spend a good deal of energy on things that do not reflect me or what is important to me. This is a crying shame. I intend to work on this with some ferocious determination.


In the mean time, better to dwell on Who I am....

A woman who wiggles her toes on the grainy beach.
A woman who sips warm mint tea by the corner window.
A woman who finds her creative heart in the art of words.
A woman who loves the feel of a smooth stone in her hand.
A woman who prefers the gray skies to the blue.
A woman who revels in solitude.
A woman who values deeply her feminine energy.
A woman who thinks it's good luck when she finds a shiny paperclip on the ground.
A woman who believes in magic.