Because I look as if I'm consistently at the end of my rope, said cushion might be undetectable.
Be not deceived.
I can think of several very basic, trivial ways in which I protect myself this way, so there must be deeper, more profound ways about which I'm in complete denial.
- My clock radio is set forty-five minute ahead of the actual time. On those mornings when I need my alarm to wake me, I hit the snooze button at least six times.
- I have money in my checking account that is not reflected in the balance written in my register. My 'invisible' cushion.
- The clock in my car is set ahead. Sometimes ahead plus one extra hour, depending on what half of the year we are in.
- I always have a compulsive back up supply of shampoo, tooth paste, toilet paper, chocolate and salsa in my home at all times.
Well, I don't think so anymore.
It's not being smart; it's being afraid. It's obsessive compulsive base-covering. Plus it's bullshit. Because no matter what my clock or checkbook register may say, I KNOW the truth. I am not fooled and then pleasantly surprised with an extra forty-five minutes of unexpected free time. I know before I even look in the direction of the clock that it's ahead. (Then I'm having to do some speedy quick math in my head to calculate the actual time. That's a lot of unnecessary wear and tear on the little 'math in my head' man.)
So at this realization I set my clock radio to the correct time. It feels good but I still want to keep hitting the snooze button at least six times. (Which has always been crazy since it just isn't good sleep when every nine minutes I know that some Air Supply song is going to be hitting me over the head trying to get me to wake up.)
I reset my car clock. But it's still four minutes fast. Why do I do this? Why can't I just live in real time?
I moved some of my balance into the running total in my checking account register. Some but not all. Call me chicken shit the next time you see me. What am I afraid of? (My left brain is screaming out the answers to these questions but only I can hear it.)
Yesterday someone was reading a passage from a book he found laying on a desk nearby. The point was that either we go through life afraid of what we don't know that's ahead. Or we go through life excited by the unknown to come. Embracing uncertainty. (I think my left brain is now breaking out in hives.)
I should sea kelp.
4 comments:
Don't be afraid.
I am not going to take you up on the offer to call you a chicken shit. That seems like a little bit of a low blow. But that chicken shit left brain of yours is a problem. He needs to have his chicken head, pulled out of his chicken ass, and chopped up into little bitty left brain chicken nuggs.
Go directly to jail Left Brain, hives and all.
DO not pass go.
Do not collect 200 dollars.
Do not use that cruddy "get out of jail free" insurance card that you keep in you wallet at all times. I don't care if it does have a little man with wings flying out of a cage on it. No dice.
Also, I laughed out loud at "You should sea Kelp". I had to re-read it to appreciate it's full genius. Nice.
Aaron
P>S> Currently listening to Jar of Flies? Really? Impressive.
Don't yell at me. Or my left brain. And did you just use the word 'nuggs' on my blog? Haven't we talked about this? Let's see, I have the notes here somewhere....
Yes, granted I only listened to 1/7 of Jars of Flies but that totally counts.
And did I mention, don't yell at me?
1/7th is a larger percentage than I would have guessed. I have the rest of the sevenths in my car. You can have later as an act of restitution for all that yelling you incurred earlier.
"Don't yell at mem you get the bug-eyes."
"B, sorry about the name calling/yelling/bug-eyes thing, I'll be in my office."
Aa
You know, Miss Scarlet, that business about setting your clock/alarm way ahead of what it should be - is just a way of easing into the morning. Or on a grander scheme - easing into life. Me? I'm an 'easer'. Always have been, always will be. Probably why I don't have ulcers.
Leslie
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