Don't Believe Everything You Think

I 'blog' almost constantly. In my head.
A running monologue. An unequal mix of Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld, Janeane Garofalo and Tony Shaloub as Monk.

My mind is continually talking to you here, in the form of a potential blog post topic. They all start with a slow simmer, I add a few more ingredients: pinches and splashes of stuff to bolster the basic mixture. Turn up the heat. Until we are at a rolling boil.

But more often than not, by the time I sit down to write, or dish up, the stew has become cold and congealed. There are very few things in the world that are better in their congealed form. I don't even like typing the word congealed. So no more of that.

Where is the Mother of Invention when I need her?

No one appreciates new gadgety technology more than I do. Actually that is not true. Most everyone appreciates it more than I do. Is it ironic that I work in IT but am mostly just annoyed with new tech stuff? Or is it just a coincidence? (Can you explain the difference?)

That being said, when someone invents the software or app or whatever that will convert my thinking directly into my blog, or a best selling novel or whatever, that is when I will be happy to stand in the glorious Seattle rain, outside Best Buy all night to be the first in line. Debit or Credit?

Did you know that in my head there are no 'whatevers' at all?

As a matter of fact, in my head, all of my prose (on my blogs or elsewhere) is perfectly spelled, punctuated and appropriately grammarized. I am ever witty, clever and original. Each point eloquently articulate and fascinating. In my head.

And even when I do manage to get something down on paper. Okay not paper, but you know what I mean. It often feels like a mess of mixed metaphors and dangling participles. What happened to the way it was laid out in my head? Who thinks up this shit?